Aftermath of Celebration
I don’t like to fail. It hit’s me hard. Today,I feel like I failed and let a lot of people down. When things don’t go the way they should I beat myself up. Then I get angry at myself and really wonder why I push myself so hard in the first place. Then I just go into a depression and find myself just wanting to run away.
The Solstice Art and Music festival was one of the most stressful events that I have had at the Burkhead Art Center. There was over a 70 people that put their time, energy and love to make it happen. We had 40+ artists booths, and 12 different music groups and our organizers, sound guys, promoters, and stage directors. For some reason I held all those people on my shoulders.
I know that everything I did was to make all those people come together and create magic. That is what events always feel like here…Magic. Even when we have things come up…one year we got smoked out, this year we got a lot of rain. But usually have good spirts and make the best of things. What else can you do? But for me I feel defeated. I feel that I could have done more to make it better…”If I just advertised more, if I just got that sign spinner” , “If I just put up more flyers,” ect.
People around me said “Thank you for all you did”, “This is such a magical place”, There were lot’s of new people that found out about us” etc. etc. etc. But for me….I just focus on how I just can’t get it to the next level. It’s ok for me to be down….I know this. I really couldn’t control the weather and I know I wouldn’t have gone to a music and art festival in the pouring rain…..so I really don’t blame anyone. I just feel sad and disappointed. My team and I put a lot of back breaking time and energy into this and it was blahhhhhhhh.
I try to pull myself out of this kind of mood by focusing on the positive. And there was a lot of positive to go around at this event. Almost all the artists showed up, even in the crappy weather. We counted 225 people that took the time to show up and visit us. (Not sure the numbers on at Cedarbrook) We learned alot and documented all the stuff so if we choose to do this again we can learn from this. People still brought the magic and we all preserved and made the best of it. I am proud of all of us!
There is so much to learn in this path of life. One is how to fail and how to learn from it. I really hope that I can try to be strong, pull up my granny panties and get ready for the next adventure. Depression GO AWAY!
